Looking Back and Moving Forward

Almost 5 hours into the flight I realize that for the first time in 10 months I’m actually farther from Madrid than I am to the United States. The small screen on the seat in front of me flashes statistics:

Distance from Madrid: 2,281 miles

Altitude: 36,000 feet

Speed: 475 mph

But to me, I don’t just see numbers. The home that I’ve come to know and love over the last year is almost 3,000 miles behind me; I’m on top of the world; and my life seems to be going by just as fast as this plane.

2,277 miles away from Madrid.

People try to explain what it’s like to live abroad. I’ve seen it, read it and listened to it time and time again. It’s a tough task—tougher than finding an apartment (your first apartment I might add) in Spain all on your own; tougher than planning your own trips across different countries without your parents’ travel agent; tougher than making friends from entirely different cultures; tougher than debuting your teaching skills in a Spanish bilingual school system.

It’s tough. That’s the whole point of living abroad. It breaks you, teaches you lessons and often-times makes you highly dependent on siestas. If this sounds negative, it’s quite the opposite. Living in Spain for a year broke my routine. For the first time in my life I felt broken away from the southern girl, the sorority member, the intern, the student. I was broken in order to find new pieces of myself, and then stitch them all back together in the end. Now I am all these things as well as a traveler, an independent woman, a friend across cultures, a mentor and avid croqueta lover.

Living in Spain taught me lessons. It taught me that public transportation abroad doesn’t kill you, that strangers can make the best of friends and that perfecting a language takes dedication and passion. It taught me different perspectives, how to use a real map and adapt to new ways of living. And most of all, it taught me that life can take you anywhere.

2,540 miles away from Madrid.

As I look back on this year, I am amazed at how far I’ve come, literally and figuratively. In one year I’ve seen 10 different countries and met a hundred new people. I’ve developed new passions and strengthened the old. Madrid is such an exciting, lively and beautiful city. The Spanish culture is the most caring, fun and at times odd culture…and I say that in the most loving way possible.

When my plane took off this morning, I couldn’t get over how sad I was that I was leaving this life-changing place. The only thing running through my mind was everything I’m going to miss.

I’m going to miss the social culture, the plazas, lines 3 and 7 of the metro, bus 2, my Spanish kickboxing class, my crazy neighbors, my friends, my students, speaking Spanish, walking everywhere, strolling through parks, cheap wine, Sangria, paella, my old apartment, really cheap shopping, the nightlife, fútbol matches, Gran Vía street and rooftop bars. There’s so much more but blog posts can only be so long.

And on top of it all, I couldn’t help but question where I was heading.

2,700 miles away from Madrid.

Then I realized that’s also the beauty of it. The uncertain things in life can sometimes turn into the most exciting opportunities. I’m no longer scared of what lies ahead of me.

I once saw on a wall in Budapest, “Adventure may be dangerous, but routine is lethal.” The memories I’ve made and experiences I’ve had are completely worth the temporary separation anxiety I may feel from leaving Madrid. It was dangerous to do what I did. I left everything I knew, broke my routine and dived into dangerous adventure.

However, the only real danger can come from resting still and not taking chances. Madrid has done so much for me and I will forever be grateful. I am ready for whatever life has for me. I’ve come out stronger, more adventurous and less afraid.

So I realize, I’m not leaving Madrid behind. This experience will always be with me; through my future jet lag to my life-long career to my rocking-chair days—this year was no “gap year.” This year propelled me, filled me and stitched me up.

The home that I’ve come to know and love over the last year is right here with me; I’m on top of the world; and my life, although quickly, is moving forward to the next adventure.

1,613 miles to the United States.